Open Question: I want to be an author?

By Med Spa Expert at 3 January, 2009, 12:19 pm

Could you review the following… it is just the beggining to the story and I want to have others opinions

Chapter 1
The sky shown brilliantly blue through the tiny plane window. Riley Eritta stared out, taking in for the first time the beautiful white and blue wonderland the sky held. Though she was 13, it was Riley’s first time flying. Even so, she felt somehow that she belonged in the sky, that it was a part of her and she was a part of it that had been there since the beginning of time. She wished she could fly with out the plane surrounding her, without the noisy people, the walls, the seats, and smell of barf. She wished she was a bird, who could be free, who could fly free.
Riley was a foster child, and had been with many different kinds of family. Small ones, large ones, happy ones, and very angry ones where the parents were filing divorce and the children were running away. She had even been with some very kind families who she terribly wished she was still with, but it had always ended the same. Riley couldn’t explain it, but weird things always happened to her, and no one wants a child who could only cause trouble.
Riley grimaced, remember the family she had recently left. They ha been wonderful, two loving parents a small girl, only 3 years old, named Allysa. Riley had been left in charge of her for an hour while the parents went the grocery store. What had happened was Allysa, who was usually sweet and well behaved, decided to show her bad side that night. After Allysa whined and cried for 10 minutes about how Riley hadn’t done her dolls hair correctly, an irritated Riley had said to her “Elisa, please stop acting like such a little rat!” Elisa sniffled a little and nodded. “Now go get ready for bed, sweetie.” Riley said sighing. Though baby-sitting duty wasn’t exactly ideal, she knew it was one of the sacrifices she’d have to make if she ever wanted to be part of a true family. Elisa did as she was told and went straight into the bathroom. Five minutes later, Riley heard screaming from the bathroom. She ran as quickly as possible, to find rats crawling through the walls, covering Elisa’s tiny body. Riley hit them off, panicking, picked up Elisa, ran, and slammed the bathroom door. Luckily, Elisa was unharmed, except she told her parents about the rats, and how Riley had said something about rats beforehand. Of course, the parents sent Riley away immediately, she couldn’t blame them, though, they couldn’t have known it was just a coincidence, no one could have. So now Riley was being shipped off from a small town in Florida to some unheard of ciy over in Europe. Big changes were ahead of her, and yet sitting in the crowded and dirty plane, she was perfectly content, for how was she to know what lay ahead.

Of course, the glorious plane ride couldn’t have lasted forever. Eventually Riley was brought back down to Earth, and as soon as the plane landed she felt as she had before she boarded the plane a lonely young girl.
When she got into the airport she was met by a tall, thin woman. Her hair was sleek and black, pulled into a tight knot on top of her head. Though she couldn’t have been older then 35, lines creased her long face and her skin seemed frail and thin over her prominent cheekbones. She spoke quickly in a deep British accent.
“So you must be Miss Riley Eritta, correct? I am Ms. Lexet” She stared down at Riley making her nervous and shy, She could barley choke out her next words.
“Y-yes ma’am. I am” She spoke so softly the new women had to strain her ears to hear the girl. She smiled, she already liked the girl who had barley spoken two words.
“You must be, you are such a beautiful young lady, look just like your mother did. She was a good women, she was, but we must not dwell on that so long or I just might start to tear up.”
“Oh my, you knew my mother! I-I can’t believe it how? How?” a jolt of excitement flooded over Riley. She forgot about being a shy, timid girl, mention of her mother always did that to her, because the truth was she had never known a thing about her mother. Both her parents had died before Riley was even a year old. She had never met anyone who had even really known her mother, even. She was intrigued. “And… and I look like her?”
“Yes, you sure do,” Mrs. Lexet scanned her eyes over Riley, taking in the features that were so similar to the ones of her mothers, the ones of Mrs.Lexet’s best friend. The same loose curls in her brown hair , streaked with highlights of gold, as if someone had dropped rays of sunlight onto her head. She had the same long, thin figure, so much like her mothers. And mostly she had the same twinkling green eyes that seemed to contain the entire universe. But her pale complexion, full lips and sculpted features resembled her dad more, “yes, and you look much your father too.
Riley smiled at this thought, and her smile was dazzling. Since she had never really thought much of her appearance, she co



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